The Ideal Person

I have been thinking for a while this whole thing about the ideal person or the complement one, I’m not the best person to be telling all this, all the one that has all that experience in love, I mean I have only had 4 boyfriends and any of them have lasted long. Why is it? U could ask, well because probably aren’t the right guy. I don’t know really.

I just thought that all this matter about the ideal guy is just non sense, ‘cause I have been with this typical ideal guys (except in the way some girls want this gorgeous sculptural man, cause that doesn’t really matter for me, what attracted me of them was their personality, and well the things of this “ideal guy” rounding through my mind, things like smart, carefree, sweet, gentlemen, all that rubbish was there, and I mean, that isn’t bad, I loved some part of it… but later, it became something different. I don’t know if I’m being egoistic,( probably yes), but the things that came to my mind were “can I really spend a life time this way?”, I mean sometimes my life is boring, but I don’t know why I don’t care at all in that situation, but when it came to be with someone else I just thought this is too much boring, I could be doing something else!!, but maybe I was doing the same thing that I could have being doing all alone!! And that doesn’t make sense!

So! I came up with an idea:

“Maybe I can’t be with someone”.

The reason is because I’m a selfish person who doesn’t want to care about people. It’s a horrible truth and while I’m writing I’m getting it, thinking it and assuring it. This reason I don’t know even with me talking to myself I’m thinking of giving me a pretext saying that I’m not that bad, cause I like being with people and when one of my friends have an issue I want to fix it, fix it at the point of getting too emotional with that issue if I can’t help anyway, but maybe I do all of this cause I want the same, and the reason because I want a partner is because I want to feel that love, that hug, kiss or whatever, and while I have that unreasonable feeling of love I can do whatever for the other person, except agree with the annoying problems, tolerate some things, like the strange silence between a couple, that this person annoys you in the middle of a good moment with a whine saying that you didn’t even care for him in a middle of a work (I’m really sensitive about this point, this happened 3 months ago and I don’t know if I could be capable of forgetting it, I’m resented with this person, even though I tried to talk normally to him I have this last resent in my voice that do not go, but the fact is that it have been a really short period since then, so I have time).

That event dishearten me a lot, cause I live for what I do, I mean I’m studying yet, but I’m really passionate about it, cause I like it, and that project was the first serious thing in my career, so I was excited about it…

…

Then it’s the time that one “have to” pass with the boyfriend, I mean my profession isn’t that filled with homework and stuff (that’s why I’m writing this), so I have time to spend with a boyfriend. The fact is that I don’t want to spend every day with him, like I said maybe I’m too selfish, but that’s the way I feel. When I’m with him I feel the necessity to take care of him, and give him my whole attention, but I don’t like doing that all the days of the week, also! Not even all the weekends, I mean: “I NEED TIME FOR MYSELF!!” and I don’t want someone occupying my boring couch waiting for me to tell him it’s my whole world when the reality it’s that I want him to go because I want to occupy the whole couch for myself. It’s a metaphor but in a way it’s the truth (specially the part about the boring couch).

I think there it’s time to be with that person if he/she is the “one”, so maybe we should go out when there is actually a plan, like with friends, u spend the right time with them, the only thing that change between a boyfriend it’s that if u have a problem u can go first with him/her for support, I mean, in that relationship is the confidence, communication and love all together, also, that person could give that kind of love and care, I mean physical care, that hug and kiss that u can’t have with your mates. I think there is where the difference exists.

I don’t want a lover, with this I mean, I don’t want someone that is “always” beside me. I want someone that does the things he have to do or want to do (homework, friends, etc), that loves me for what I am (and all that stuff that is mentioned in the therapies of love), that doesn’t “need” me, he “loves” me, he just is for me in that times when u need someone, the way I want to be for him; although I’m saying this I’m not sure if I can fulfill it, I think this is the correct thing, and if we love each other it could be a problem, but … everything can happen, it can mean that when he needs me it’s again in the climax of my life, but I think that if that’s the case it should be a good reason, like the dead of a loved one or something like that, I mean if it’s something like he was fired or I don’t know; maybe it can wait till the next day or something.

A teacher once told me that the ideal guy/girl it’s someone that is ok with him/her self, and with this I understand that he doesn’t “need” another person, they just are ok with being themselves and loving without thinking of a reward or something in exchange. I think also that they don’t try to dominate the other party or be with them all the time, or maybe because there is this confidence and communication and love; both of them agree to see each other regularly, but not by compromise; just because they said that IS a good day. The same goes for anniversaries, why all the people get so fucked up by them, because they are like a pest, u have to remember them or u are lost, that kind of compromise is one of the thing I don’t like in couples, u can just give a present whenever u feel like making it, it doesn’t have to be in an specific date. Personally, I have a very bad memory, but being with a boyfriend, I made a struggle not to forget that date, and it’s a draining situation.

Think for a second, if it’s your anniversary you expected this awesome gift this special person will give to you, if he/she is bared handed or the gift isn’t what u expected, u are going to be mad for a time, BUT! If that person gets the opportunity to surprise u with a gift, surely you are going to be overwhelming with happiness, because u didn’t expect a thing.

This and much other things I could say but it’s late and I’m going to bed. See yah guys, and now that I said don’t expect anything, wait for my next article.